Saturday, May 31, 2008
FROTH and LOATHING in BZEM
That's right...please interpret this into English ladies and gentlemen...I have yet to quit fuming about this rave review by a doctor that was present helping us for a total of MAYBE 10 hours while i was working 100 hour weeks. How he is seen fit to give me such a wonderful rating...no clue...HE WASN'T EVEN THERE!!!
Dogs vs. Children
Bones has it so right! Yet another reason why I will end up a crazy old maid with 9867 animals!
"I JUST DON'T KNOW HOW MOTHERS CAN DO IT. I MEAN DOGS CAN BE TRAINED IN A COUPLE WEEKS."
~Temperance Brennan on Bones~
Monday, May 19, 2008
BULL SHIT!!
Just in case you didn't know...although you probably did, because I usually am the last one to be informed about this sort of thing...
BULL SHIT STAINS!!!
Now here I am thinking farm animal lasts only a few weeks...I can get by with the jeans I own and scrub tops. Since I can only fit into a few pairs of the jeans I have anyway, I should be golden. Right? Wrong!
I pull on a clean pair of jeans out of the dryer this morning, get to school, and happen to look down at my knees at some point early in the day. I hadn't done anything to dirty yet, but my knees still had that distinguishing SHIT color to them. Hmmmmm....however could THIS have happened?! When I get home, I pull the REST of my clothes out of the dryer...sure enough...the scrub top that had gotten bull shit splashed all the back of it...guess what was still stained on it!?!? Youuuu got it!
Harumph! These farm animal people should have told me to spray my shit (literally) before washing it...so much for THOSE jeans! Granted I'll probably wear them anyway because, let's face it...I have no money and would rather spend the money I DO have stuffing my face with food or booze so that I can no longer fit into those jeans anyway. ;o)
Friday, May 16, 2008
Disappearing doctors... (Why Clinics Suck Reason #3)
When I graduate, I want this magic pixie dust.
You know, the stuff that all doctors use...especially Dr. Storey and Dr. Sod evidently. They are there...and then they aren't. I swear! You turn your back for ONE SECOND, then you turn around and they're GONE! They must walk with lightning speed to boogey down the hall that fast. And then it's not like they had a particular destination...they didn't go to their office, or to any particular room, or to the bathroom...they cannot be reached by pager/cell phone/office phone...they cannot be reached by overhead page.
They have just disappeared. POOF! I don't know how they do it. My current theory is that there is this secret room in the vet school that noooo one knows about but a few doctors. We have all underestimated their sneakiness.
However this all prevents the rest of us from getting anything done, therefore keeping us here extended hours. If we could all just get stuff done at a NORMAL pace w/o doctors running off into secret hiding places then we wouldn't be here all hours of the night and shit would get done. AMAZING what a theory this makes.
You know, the stuff that all doctors use...especially Dr. Storey and Dr. Sod evidently. They are there...and then they aren't. I swear! You turn your back for ONE SECOND, then you turn around and they're GONE! They must walk with lightning speed to boogey down the hall that fast. And then it's not like they had a particular destination...they didn't go to their office, or to any particular room, or to the bathroom...they cannot be reached by pager/cell phone/office phone...they cannot be reached by overhead page.
They have just disappeared. POOF! I don't know how they do it. My current theory is that there is this secret room in the vet school that noooo one knows about but a few doctors. We have all underestimated their sneakiness.
However this all prevents the rest of us from getting anything done, therefore keeping us here extended hours. If we could all just get stuff done at a NORMAL pace w/o doctors running off into secret hiding places then we wouldn't be here all hours of the night and shit would get done. AMAZING what a theory this makes.
Why Clinics Suck Reason 2 (AKA: WCSR 2)
After the clock strikes 9pm and you just know that your dog has taken a huge dump right in the middle of your living room because you haven't been home to take her out...and unlike everyone ELSE in clinics...YOU do not have a significant other/husband/fuck buddy to let them out...you realize that clinics fucking suck. You are hungry, grumpy, and your animals hate you. And best of all...ALL YOUR HARD WORK WILL NOT PAY OFF AND YOU WILL END UP GETTING A FUCKING "B" IN THIS ROTATION ANYWAY!!!
Ahhh, but it gets better...see that slacker beside you? Ahh, yes, you know exactly who I'm talking about. It could be the case dodger OR even better...the HUGE brown-noser who you just want to backhand everytime they open their big fat fucking mouth. ---- YES ---- THEY will be the ones getting the "A's"!!!
EXPLAIN THIS TO ME! MUST I CHOP OFF MY LEFT BREAST AND FEED IT TO YOU ON A PLATTER to get an "A" in a rotation here? I'm sorry...was my spending the last ENTIRE MONTH of my LIFE at this fucking SCHOOL NOT ENOUGH FOR YOU??? PLEASE, TAKE AN ARM TOO! HOWS ABOUT A LEG?
Not only do I not get a life, but I have to shoot the shit with clients, wash dishes, clean cages, sweep floors, be your bitch, and then you give me a "B" when you weren't even around to accurately grade me? Why don't you just bend me over while you're at it? Granted B's aren't the end of the world here, but this is clinics and I've been working the equivilant of 100 hour weeks for no pay for the past month and I would like a little bit of appreciation. If I was going to get a "B" anyway, I would have just said "PEACE OUT" at 5 and hit the door.
OK grade venting done...for now...
Ahhh, but it gets better...see that slacker beside you? Ahh, yes, you know exactly who I'm talking about. It could be the case dodger OR even better...the HUGE brown-noser who you just want to backhand everytime they open their big fat fucking mouth. ---- YES ---- THEY will be the ones getting the "A's"!!!
EXPLAIN THIS TO ME! MUST I CHOP OFF MY LEFT BREAST AND FEED IT TO YOU ON A PLATTER to get an "A" in a rotation here? I'm sorry...was my spending the last ENTIRE MONTH of my LIFE at this fucking SCHOOL NOT ENOUGH FOR YOU??? PLEASE, TAKE AN ARM TOO! HOWS ABOUT A LEG?
Not only do I not get a life, but I have to shoot the shit with clients, wash dishes, clean cages, sweep floors, be your bitch, and then you give me a "B" when you weren't even around to accurately grade me? Why don't you just bend me over while you're at it? Granted B's aren't the end of the world here, but this is clinics and I've been working the equivilant of 100 hour weeks for no pay for the past month and I would like a little bit of appreciation. If I was going to get a "B" anyway, I would have just said "PEACE OUT" at 5 and hit the door.
OK grade venting done...for now...
Thursday, May 8, 2008
"half boob"...comic relief break!
Just love this quote and couldn't pass it up...this show is full of one-liners that CRACK ME UP!
"She's short but has an ample bosom...I love it. She's like half boob. Let's go!"
~Barney on How I Met Your Mother" ~
I'm sure there will be many more to come as I go through watching this show...when I actually get out of BZEM before 8pm!
"She's short but has an ample bosom...I love it. She's like half boob. Let's go!"
~Barney on How I Met Your Mother" ~
I'm sure there will be many more to come as I go through watching this show...when I actually get out of BZEM before 8pm!
Welcome to BZEM...baby bird hell...(AKA: Why Clinics Suck Reason 1)
...where baby birds come out of your ears and baby opossums try to bite off your fingers. The public thinks they are doing a good deed by bringing these creatures in...little do they know...
So first of all...next time you come across a little bird that seems incredibly helpless...LET freakin mother nature take its course!!! Before these past two weeks I was probably in your shoes...my heart would have gone out and I would have let out an "awwww", picked up the little thing and done my best to nurse it, etc. After seeing literally about 75 baby birds in the past 14 days from good samaratins such as my former self...I fully believe in the Darwinian natural selection theory. The first few were cute...now, after feeding a gajillion little gaping gullets, I just can't seem to find much sympathy. Don't even get me STARTED on the OPOSSUMS! There is a REASON they are stupid enough to get hit by cars! WHO actually BRINGS these babies IN!?? They are NOT cute, they are NOT sweet!!! They lunge and hiss at you...and at any possible opportunity will sink their razor sharp fangs into you. That and they smell like aboslute asshole! I'm sure in the past I would have rehabilitated any wildlife I found that seemed injured or incapacitated. Now I think I will slyly toss it in my neighbors yard so I won't have to see it suffer or just carry around some pink juice and put it out of its misery. Call me heartless but BZEM = 2 weeks of cleaning up opossum shit and shoving birds mouths full of wet cat food.
So first of all...next time you come across a little bird that seems incredibly helpless...LET freakin mother nature take its course!!! Before these past two weeks I was probably in your shoes...my heart would have gone out and I would have let out an "awwww", picked up the little thing and done my best to nurse it, etc. After seeing literally about 75 baby birds in the past 14 days from good samaratins such as my former self...I fully believe in the Darwinian natural selection theory. The first few were cute...now, after feeding a gajillion little gaping gullets, I just can't seem to find much sympathy. Don't even get me STARTED on the OPOSSUMS! There is a REASON they are stupid enough to get hit by cars! WHO actually BRINGS these babies IN!?? They are NOT cute, they are NOT sweet!!! They lunge and hiss at you...and at any possible opportunity will sink their razor sharp fangs into you. That and they smell like aboslute asshole! I'm sure in the past I would have rehabilitated any wildlife I found that seemed injured or incapacitated. Now I think I will slyly toss it in my neighbors yard so I won't have to see it suffer or just carry around some pink juice and put it out of its misery. Call me heartless but BZEM = 2 weeks of cleaning up opossum shit and shoving birds mouths full of wet cat food.
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