I SWEAR it's like an unending nightmare...
I let the Kassi and Tex out as usual today...and next thing I hear is Kassi barking up a storm. Both animals are standing IN the MIDDLE of my nice flowerbed (of course)...Tex's tail is nice and bottlebrush style and Kassi is fake-lunging at something.
My first thought is "great...a freaking baby bird". Ahhh, but no...alas...I approach...and i find a
FREAKING HUGE RED EARED SLIDER
(for thouse of you unfamiliar with the turtle world - it's one of those "cute" little turtles that you can get when they are the size of a quarter at a pet store...but before you know it will be the size of the ones you see in lakes and ponds...the size of this one...over a foot long!) ... Oh, and for those of you who knew me in undergrad, these are the turtles that Sheena had (that consequently ate Kauai)
So...first of all...HOW THE FUCK did this thing get in my yard?? My neighbors behind me have some sort of body of water, but to get to my flowerbed the damn turtle would have to cross THREE (that's right THREE) freakin fences!
I'm telling you...BZEM IS FUCKING STALKING ME!!! THREE FENCES??? COME ON NOW! UGH!
So I rescue the damn freaking shithole of a turtle from certain death by Tex/Kassi (and it immediately thanks me by trying to kick me) and bring it inside to throw in my tub with some water until I can get it to a lake/pond/whatever. Secretely I think of dumping it on whoever is on BZEM duty now just for shits and giggles b/c everyone else seems to have no problems with the rotation....also because I'm an evil bitch...
Meanwhile I go back outside to retrieve my animals and I see that there is ANOTHER freaking TURTLE between fence #1 and fence #2 (evidently they can crawl under those?...still doesn't explain the morphing between the last ones)....yeah, this one is about 2 feet in length.
So....I nicely say "Hello big nasty fucking turtle...I have your friend in my tub. Now I can dump him right beside you and will feel guilt free. " Except for the fact that the damn turtle seemed to have morphed between the last 2 fences b/c I can't find a way to get him back. SERIOUSLY! COME ON NOW! THIS ISN'T EVEN FUNNY ANY MORE! I finally wedged the chains open enough to shove him under. Yay for me.
Next brilliant thought..."Oh I'll do one last nice guesture. Maybe they were coming over here b/c I put my sprinklers on and it's been dry lately. Soooo maybe their area has dried up and they are looking for some agua. I'll just be sooo nice and turn the sprinklers on for a bit"
I have NEVER seen turtles PEACE OUT so fast! Don't ask me how that big turd squeezed under the fence, but he did NOT like the sprinklers. OOPS!
GO AWAY BZEM. ME NO LIKEY! TEX WILL EAT YOU!
I let the Kassi and Tex out as usual today...and next thing I hear is Kassi barking up a storm. Both animals are standing IN the MIDDLE of my nice flowerbed (of course)...Tex's tail is nice and bottlebrush style and Kassi is fake-lunging at something.
My first thought is "great...a freaking baby bird". Ahhh, but no...alas...I approach...and i find a
FREAKING HUGE RED EARED SLIDER
(for thouse of you unfamiliar with the turtle world - it's one of those "cute" little turtles that you can get when they are the size of a quarter at a pet store...but before you know it will be the size of the ones you see in lakes and ponds...the size of this one...over a foot long!) ... Oh, and for those of you who knew me in undergrad, these are the turtles that Sheena had (that consequently ate Kauai)
So...first of all...HOW THE FUCK did this thing get in my yard?? My neighbors behind me have some sort of body of water, but to get to my flowerbed the damn turtle would have to cross THREE (that's right THREE) freakin fences!
I'm telling you...BZEM IS FUCKING STALKING ME!!! THREE FENCES??? COME ON NOW! UGH!
So I rescue the damn freaking shithole of a turtle from certain death by Tex/Kassi (and it immediately thanks me by trying to kick me) and bring it inside to throw in my tub with some water until I can get it to a lake/pond/whatever. Secretely I think of dumping it on whoever is on BZEM duty now just for shits and giggles b/c everyone else seems to have no problems with the rotation....also because I'm an evil bitch...
Meanwhile I go back outside to retrieve my animals and I see that there is ANOTHER freaking TURTLE between fence #1 and fence #2 (evidently they can crawl under those?...still doesn't explain the morphing between the last ones)....yeah, this one is about 2 feet in length.
So....I nicely say "Hello big nasty fucking turtle...I have your friend in my tub. Now I can dump him right beside you and will feel guilt free. " Except for the fact that the damn turtle seemed to have morphed between the last 2 fences b/c I can't find a way to get him back. SERIOUSLY! COME ON NOW! THIS ISN'T EVEN FUNNY ANY MORE! I finally wedged the chains open enough to shove him under. Yay for me.
Next brilliant thought..."Oh I'll do one last nice guesture. Maybe they were coming over here b/c I put my sprinklers on and it's been dry lately. Soooo maybe their area has dried up and they are looking for some agua. I'll just be sooo nice and turn the sprinklers on for a bit"
I have NEVER seen turtles PEACE OUT so fast! Don't ask me how that big turd squeezed under the fence, but he did NOT like the sprinklers. OOPS!
GO AWAY BZEM. ME NO LIKEY! TEX WILL EAT YOU!
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